The following post is taken from “The stories of our
fathers: Men’s recovery from intergenerational wounds”, by MICHAEL R. DADSON.
To view the full paper please see
https://ubc.academia.edu/MichaelDadson
Excerpts from pages 149 -157 of
A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE AND POSTDOCTORAL STUDIES
(Counselling Psychology)
Abstract
This study investigated the
narratives of recovery for men who have been injured in their relationship with
their father. Six men participated in the study and each man reported that they
had been injured in their relationship with their father and have
therapeutically engaged in the process of recovery. These men worked with the
researcher towards the co-construction of their narrative of recovery and this
provided an in-depth examination of the men's subjective experiences. Six
narratives were written in the first person focusing on the process of
recovery.
Each narrative was co-analyzed
with individual participants by using Arvay’s (2003) Collaborative Narrative
Method. Narratives were returned to the respective co-researcher in order to
evaluate the worth of the study. The study explored the process of recovery in
the unique personal context in which it occurred and provided concrete examples
of what the recovery process is actually like. In order to uncover the patterns
of recovery, a cross narrative theme analysis was conducted that revealed six
primary patterns of recovery. The results show that there may be a convergence
of trauma for men when developmental trauma and masculine gender role trauma
intersect. The narrative patterns of recovery that emerge help highlight and
provide critical components of treatment and recovery for men who experience
this convergence of trauma.
Implications for treatment
The narratives and patterns of
recovery presented in the results of the study here invite therapists to pay
attention to the rules of masculine ideology as relevant for assessment and treatment
of traumatized male clients, particularly men who been injured in their
relationship with their fathers or have experienced other forms of masculine
gender role trauma. Men may have difficulty containing the overwhelming effects
of trauma and the gender role strain they experience. This can cause men to
externalize distress and react with inner and outer anger, aggression, and
isolation (Noleen-Hoeksema, 1990; Rabinowitz & Cochran, 2002).
Men's underlying anxiety,
depression, grief, and identity confusion may be overlooked and more obvious
behavioural issues such as violence, substance abuse, and sexual compulsivity
may receive exclusive therapeutic attention (Brooks, 2010). Brooks (2010)
recommends that counsellors should assess men for gender role strain at the
start of therapy. He suggests this initial assessment can be accomplished in
several ways. First, the male client could take any of a number of masculinity
inventories like: the Gender Role Conflict Scale, Male Role Norms Inventory,
and the Conformity to Be Male Role Norms Inventory (Levant & Fishcher,
1998; Mahalik et al., 2003; O’Neil, Helms, Gable, David, & Wrightman,
1986).
Second, the male client could be
asked to respond to specific provocative questions about his views of manhood.
This qualitative assessment is one way to generate information that can not
only inform therapy but also stimulate a male client to reflect on the material
he may have never before considered relevant. Third, questions that explore the
male client's ideas about what it means to be a man can be incorporated into
the three phases of trauma therapy explored further below.
Some treatment options like group
therapy and therapeutic enactment begin by preframing the structure of the
therapy with an awareness of the effects of rigid masculine ideology (Westwood
et al., 2010). For example, the language of “group work” is chosen over “group therapy”
and “dropping the baggage” is preferred over “processing trauma”. Through the
early establishment of group norms, men are empowered to help each other.
Giving and receiving help is modeled and normalized. Building on these social
norms in the group facilitates the spontaneous sharing of emotions. Careful
consideration of the language counselors choose to describe what will happen in
the counseling process with the male client is important because it can
facilitate or hinder the establishment of a therapeutic relationship that can
acknowledge male issues.
Participants in this study
described two main issues that motivated them to enter into therapy. The
primary motivators were the fear or loss of a significant female relationship
and the recognition of the pain and discomfort. They did not enter into therapy
with a clear recognition that they had suffered an injury in their relationship
with their fathers. Nor did they recognize the implications of that injury on
their identity confusion, their relationship challenges, their difficulties
with emotional expression and regulation, and the limitations of their
intrarelationship and interrelationship skills.
It is not surprising, given the
challenges that men who suffer developmental and masculine gender role trauma
face, that the participants in this study highly valued the qualities of the
therapeutic relationship. How the therapist viewed them as a person and how the
therapist treated them was critical. As Rick says, "I think the most
healing event for me was the ongoing consistent experience of being heard and
received with understanding and compassion."
Ford, Courtois, Steele, van der
Hart, & Nijenhuis, (2005) describe a three-phase sequential integrative
model for counseling complex posttraumatic self-dysregulation: The three phases
are conceptualized as flexible, intermixed, and cyclical throughout the process
of therapy while maintaining a cycling forward movement toward recovery and
overall wellbeing.
Phase 1 emphasizes the importance
of building a positive therapeutic alliance Ford, et al., 2005). This involves
the formation of a physically and emotionally safe, stable therapeutic relationship.
Phase 2 emphasizes trauma processing. This phase of therapy is more directly “trauma-focused,”
actively involving the client in recalling traumatic memories as well as
related body states, emotions, and perceptions in amounts and at a pace that is
safe and manageable. Phase 3 emphasizes functional reintegration. This frequently
involves intensive work on the difficult task of learning what to hope for or
expect from life after symptom reduction, and facing the fear of change. This
phase focuses on fine-tuning the self-regulatory skills developed in phase 1
and increasing a conscious understanding of the impact and costs of past
traumatic experiences addressed in phase 2, while applying these skills to
understanding and address life’s problems, to the end of deriving a growing
satisfaction in daily life (Ford, et al., 2005).
The current study and the
narrative themes and patterns of recovery described here can help therapists
understand and apply specific
interventions within the three phases of treatment. For example, exploring
masculine identity and questions about what it means to be a man may be
addressed differently in each phase. This can be a particularly useful strategy
when the male client is highly guarded or intimidated during phase 1 of
treatment and there is a need to move slowly in approaching sensitive issues.
Phase 2 may provide the opportunity to more explicitly address the effects of
trauma on men’s masculine identity while reflecting about changes that have
resulted from treatment and consolidating client’s new experience of themselves
may be effective during phase 3 of treatment.
Furthermore, the patterns of
recovery reported in this study support the three-phase treatment orientation
of Ford, Courtois, Steele, van der Hart, & Nijenhuis, (2005). For example, phase
1 establishing safety: studies have shown that men are often extremely
reluctant to seek help for physical and psychological health care concerns
(Addis, & Mahalik, 2003). The demands of the perceived client role, at
least superficially, seem to conflict with the primary tenets of the traditional
male. That is, traditional masculine ideology predicts that many men need to be
in control, to suppress emotions, to be self-reliant, and to engage in action
orientated activities. Assuming the client role can exacerbate gender strain
when it is perceived to contradict with this ideology.
Relationships for these men are
often framed by power. One male client voiced his reluctance to enter therapy
because “he didn’t want someone else telling him how to be and what to do.” Men
who are victims of masculine gender role trauma and are injured in their
relationship with their fathers simultaneously face increased GRS that
manifests in identity confusion, while also coping with the symptoms of
developmental trauma.
This present study helps us
understand the importance of building safety with men in phase 1 of treatment.
The therapeutic relationship helps men move progressively through the patterns
of recovery. As well, by recognizing the convergence of trauma and the kinds of
symptoms these men suffer as a result, reinforces the importance of the person
and the competencies of the therapist. Just as Robert noticed, “The therapists
were able to speak truthfully about themselves and they were able to facilitate
trusting, loving, respectful relationships.” Cory experienced the effectiveness
of his therapist facilitating a conflict
resolution and it was then that
he began to trust him. The therapists of these men seemed particularly
competent and capable of demonstrating both their own strength and vulnerability
to the men who were in therapy. That helped men move forward in an atmosphere
of safety in phase 1 of treatment.
When counselors are attuned to
the concerns of men who have experienced a convergence of trauma they can
reframe the counselling process, validate men’s need to internally and
externally struggle with their masculine identity while maintaining their need
for personal power. The counselling relationship can be contextualized as a
process of supporting and building on that need. Counsellors position
themselves as expert facilitators who have specialized skills that support and
maintain men’s power and their responsibility. By helping reluctant men
experience counselling as a “teamwork” process that aims to replace ineffective
false control with a more meaningful, genuine, empowerment. As Rick framed it,
"They (the therapists) were able to communicate their own vulnerability.
There was also a pretty consistent feeling in the group of were all in this
together.”
The embarrassment and shame men can
feel when they are vulnerable and seeking help can be tempered by an
acknowledgment of the normativeness of male distress and a shared comradely and
compassion for men’s situation. Sadly, many men avoid help seeking because of the
mistaken idea that their problems are unique, that help seeking is something
that no man does (Addis, & Mahalik, 2003). If they do seek help some men
believe they must give up control, accept that they are deficient as men and
now must accept what they are told about how to be different. This belief is
embedded in the masculine ideology that men who suffer a masculine trauma seem
to embrace. This belief can interfere with the development of an empowered
belief in their capacity to learn new ways of being, new ways of relating, and
a stance of emerging competency.
The goal of safety in phase one
is furthered by acknowledging the particular kind of inner gender role conflict
men can face when they engage in seeking help learning expressing difficult emotions.
The counselor begins by engaging men in a relationship where they are able to acknowledge
this inner conflict, explore its source, and express their distress in ways
that keep pace with the man’s relational style and comfort range. Pacing this
process is particularly important because it builds a foundation that will
establish the secure and emotionally safe relationship needed to process
traumatic events.
Phase 2 processing trauma: One
devastating consequence of developmental trauma is the compromising effect this
can have on a person’s self-perception and identity (van der Kolk, 2009). This
can manifest in painful shaming beliefs like believing oneself to be
permanently damaged. Our study shows that the effects on men's self-perception
and identity when they have experienced a convergence of developmental trauma
and masculine gender trauma may manifest in in masculine identity confusion.
The counselors who helped the men
in our study recover were able to facilitate emotional expression and the
re-experiencing of memories of the injury that participants described as a way
of releasing the intensity of the emotions, expressing it and processing anger,
rage, sadness, confusion and disgust. This at times was directed at their
fathers. In order to do that, counsellors must be sensitive to the ways men’s
past traumatic experiences have affected their inner self identifications as
men. This process demands a highly attuned, nonjudgmental, and empathetic
therapeutic presence combined with the willingness and ability to monitor one's
own emotional reactivity. Men may have never expressed this kind of range of emotions
and their core distress and their inadequacy, embarrassment, and fear that may
be mixed with aggression, sarcasm and resistance. These defensive expressions
may signal a lack of safety rather than an unwillingness to participate.
Phase 3 functional reintegration:
Ford et al (2003) emphasizes that “the goal [of this phase] is for the client
to acquire experiential evidence of safety and empowerment, and to thus to gradually
replace constricted or self-defeating beliefs, schema, and goals that have
resulted in a constricted lifestyle with a more flexible, specific, and
self-enhancing personal framework.” (p.441)
The participants in this study
developed internal and external relationship skills for living. They learned
new ways of being with others, new interpersonal relationship skills, new ways
of being with themselves, new intrapersonal relationship skills. They
experienced new skills like self-awareness, self-reflection and
self-regulation. These are the kinds of skills that therapists can expect men
who are recovering from developmental trauma to develop.
The narratives and patterns of
recovery described in this study also highlight or focus the therapist on the
distinctive, devastating results of the father-son injury. Perhaps what needs
to be a critical focus of phase 3 for men who have experienced and convergence
of developmental and masculine gender role trauma, is to assist men in
examining the growth that they have achieved and consider how therapy has
transformed the way they now thinks about themselves, experience themselves and
perform their masculinity. The narratives and patterns of recovery highlight
the importance of the transformation of the self and the transformation of
masculine identity as a result of therapy. As Cory says, "I have become a
man who is a warrior and a Hunter who wants love hanging in his meat
house." Dean also has a new way of thinking about what it means to be a
man. He says, "I think men need to be more rounded and not necessarily
lose their toughness. Men need to just expand their masculinity a bit and grow
some emotional balls."
It will be important that the
therapist look for ways to directly address masculine identity confusion for men
who have experienced an injury in their relationship with their father based on
the findings of this study. This needs to be considered as a goal and a focus
of the recovery process. This focus complements other important goals of phase
3 such as fine-tuning self regulatory skills through enhanced emotional
awareness and expression. Enhanced emotional expression is a potential gain for
men who are recovering from a convergence of developmental trauma and masculine
gender role trauma. These gains can be validated to help reinforce the changes
that have taken place. Counselors can reinforce the man’s expanded
understanding of masculinity and how that has changed his emotional processes,
beliefs, activities, and interpersonal relationships. Like Dean says, "To
be a man means I need to have love for my kids. I need to be patient, share my
feelings, ask questions, and keep open. That kind of communication and being in
relationships like that is an important part of being a man."
In this way the therapist can
emphasis the gains the man has acquired as pertains to phase 3 goals: new
skills in relationships, solving
life problems, and his growing satisfaction in daily living (Ford, et al.,
2005). At the same time, the therapist can consolidate the masculine identity
transformation that has taken place.
Summary
Adverse interpersonal traumas in
early childhood disrupt childhood development and can be conceptualized as
developmental trauma. Masculine gender role traumas are events that invalidate,
restrict or violate men’s internal or culturally defined standards of what it
means to be male. When men experience the convergence of these two of traumas
the results can be devastating. The masculine socialization process creates
conditions that can mean men must contradict masculine norms in order to engage
in treatment. This study provides a rich, in-depth description of the recovery
process for men who have experienced and convergence of masculine gender role
trauma and developmental trauma. Understanding the way these two conceptualizations
of trauma intersect for men is important for both trauma specialists and therapists
who want to work with men, as they can gain valuable insights into men’s
internal conflicts, the barriers they may feel about engaging and participating
in therapy, the challenges that men face as they process trauma, and what
recovery for these men looks like. Considering
these challenges is vital if
counsellors are to help men recover from trauma and establish an adaptive
perception of their gendered self.
#trauma #men #father #Langley
#Brookswood #Therapy #michaeldadson
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