By Michael Dadson, PhD, RCC, CCC
Originally published November 7, 2023. Revised November 14, 2026.
You can want a close relationship and still find it hard to rely on someone. If the people you depended on growing up were often unavailable, frightening, or dismissive when you needed them, it can make sense to hesitate before asking for help now. Early relationships can shape what you expect from others. They are one part of the story, and what happens in your relationships now matters too.
What is developmental attachment injury?
I use developmental attachment injury to describe the hurt that can occur when relationships a child depends on repeatedly leave them without the care or protection they need. Attachment research looks at how children seek comfort and safety with the people who care for them. A 2026 review of caregiving research found that caregivers who noticed and responded to children’s needs tended to have more secure attachment relationships with them.
Developmental attachment injury is a way of describing an experience and its possible effects. It isn’t a diagnosis. No single behaviour tells us what happened in someone’s childhood. Even disorganized attachment in infancy, which has a specific meaning in research, does not by itself establish that a child was maltreated.
How can early relationships affect trust later?
If turning to people for comfort has often left you feeling more exposed, keeping some distance may have made sense. When that hesitation comes up now, there are two things worth understanding: what you’ve learned to expect from people, and how the person in front of you actually responds. A study that followed 705 people from infancy into adulthood found that both early caregiving relationships and childhood friendships helped explain differences in how people approached close relationships as adults. Neither accounted for the whole picture.
What can counselling help you understand?
You can start with what feels difficult in your relationships now. What happens when you need someone? What makes it easier or harder to let them know? A counsellor at Gentle Currents Therapy can help you explore those questions, think about where your expectations came from, and consider how they fit the relationships you’re in today. You can decide together how much of your history to talk about and when.
In my doctoral research, six men described how they understood and worked through injuries in their relationships with their fathers. One spoke about the importance of “being heard and received with understanding and compassion.” That phrase stays with me. It describes something you can notice for yourself in counselling: can you say what matters to you, including when your counsellor has misunderstood you, and see how they respond?
My doctoral research gives us the men’s perspective: what they found meaningful as they worked through injuries in their relationships with their fathers. In a separate case study, my colleagues and I wrote from the counsellor’s perspective, describing how attachment theory helped us understand what one person needed from counselling.
If you’re wondering who might be a good fit, you can meet the Gentle Currents team and contact Gentle Currents Therapy when you’re ready. We can help you find a counsellor whose experience and approach fit what you want to work on.
Further viewing
In this video, I discuss the impact of unresolved childhood trauma.
