Dr. Michael Dadson has Suggestions for Improving Your Mental Health 

 Working with the relationships that Matter (your inner circle)

 

1. Enjoy the opportunities to build depth into the people you see most.

a.      Find the things that draw you together.  What are your shared interests? What makes a person a member of your inner circle? Build on those meaningful shared activities or values that bind you together. Review your history and find and emphasize the things that have made you close in the past.

b.      Try a new activity together (a game, a meal, a recipe, a movie) something you agree to try together just to try for fun.

c.       Talk honestly and meaningfully about how the pandemic is affecting you and the people around you. Listen (without fixing) to each other’s real reactions and experiences without giving advice or making judgements. 

2           2. Dare to have difficult conversations with people that matter to you.

a.      Avoiding tough conversations is not a solution but only exacerbates a tension or conflict.  It creates distance which can be desired if the relationship isn’t that important but if it is an important relationship it can erode the relationship.

b.      How to have a conversation that matters.

                                                              i.      Pick a shared time and place to have a conversation that works for both people.  Talking about sensitive or important topics while multi-tasking or during stressful moments may dispose the conversation to derail. Collaboratively picking a time place that works for both sets the tone for a conversation.

                                                             ii.      Have a clearly defined issue or topic to discuss and stick with it.  As preparation for the conversation see if you can write a one sentence description of the topic you want to discuss.  Ask the person to help you stick to that topic and let them know that you are open to discuss other issues with them but for this conversation you really want to stick to this topic.

                                                           iii.      Use the “I” voice to describe the topic and see if you can start most of your sentences with a ‘I” instead of a “you”.  For example, instead of “you are so irresponsible”. Try saying “I feel like lots of responsibility is falling on me”.  Or instead of “you always hurt me”.  Try saying, “I have been feeling hurt when….”  If you can reframe your language to the “I” voice, it will help you take responsibility for what is your real feelings and it will help your listener be less defensive because it sounds less accusatory.                                                     

                                                          iv.      Start by asking the person to do their best to listen and work with you to help you get out accurately what you are trying to say. Reassure them that once you are finished you are very interested in their response. Tell them you are going to work to own you experience by speaking from the I voice and ask them, as best they can to do the same.  Once you are finished ask them to repeat what they heard you say to see if you were clear and to give you the opportunity to clarify or correct miscommunications and misunderstandings.                                                                    

                                                         v.     Once you are clearly understood ask the other person to respond and do your best to listen.  If they get off topic remind them you are very interested in talking about anything but right now it is important if they can stay with the topic.  Listen and reflect for clarity and understanding.

                                                            vi.      Once they feel understood respond again in the “I voice” .  Once the topic is clear see if you can brainstorm together and even write possible solutions down.  Try a whiteboard that you can just throw ideas on for working through what you both think would work.

                                                           vii.      Consider any agreement as an experiment to try and revisit at an agreed upon time to see if it helped address the issue.

                            For more information visit me at micaheldadson.com