Dr. Michael Dadson has Suggestions for Improving Your Mental Health
Working with the relationships that Matter (your inner
circle)
- Enjoy the opportunities to build depth into the people you see most.
a.
Find the things that draw you together. What are your shared interests? What makes a
person a member of your inner circle? Build on those meaningful shared
activities or values that bind you together. Review your history and find and
emphasize the things that have made you close in the past.
b.
Try a new activity together (a game, a meal, a
recipe, a movie) something you agree to try together just to try for fun.
c.
Talk honestly and meaningfully about how the
pandemic is affecting you and the people around you. Listen (without fixing) to
each other’s real reactions and experiences without giving advice or making
judgements.
2 2. Dare to have difficult conversations with people
that matter to you.
a.
Avoiding tough conversations is not a solution
but only exacerbates a tension or conflict.
It creates distance which can be desired if the relationship isn’t that important
but if it is an important relationship it can erode the relationship.
b.
How to have a conversation that matters.
i.
Pick a shared time and place to have a
conversation that works for both people.
Talking about sensitive or important topics while multi-tasking or
during stressful moments may dispose the conversation to derail.
Collaboratively picking a time place that works for both sets the tone for a
conversation.
ii.
Have a clearly defined issue or topic to discuss
and stick with it. As preparation for
the conversation see if you can write a one sentence description of the topic
you want to discuss. Ask the person to
help you stick to that topic and let them know that you are open to discuss
other issues with them but for this conversation you really want to stick to
this topic.
iii.
Use the “I” voice to describe the topic and see
if you can start most of your sentences with a ‘I” instead of a “you”. For example, instead of “you are so
irresponsible”. Try saying “I feel like lots of responsibility is falling on
me”. Or instead of “you always hurt
me”. Try saying, “I have been feeling
hurt when….” If you can reframe your
language to the “I” voice, it will help you take responsibility for what is
your real feelings and it will help your listener be less defensive because it
sounds less accusatory.
iv.
Start by asking the person to do their best to
listen and work with you to help you get out accurately what you are trying to
say. Reassure them that once you are finished you are very interested in their
response. Tell them you are going to work to own you experience by speaking
from the I voice and ask them, as best they can to do the same. Once you are finished ask them to repeat what
they heard you say to see if you were clear and to give you the opportunity to
clarify or correct miscommunications and misunderstandings.
v. Once you are clearly understood ask the other
person to respond and do your best to listen.
If they get off topic remind them you are very interested in talking
about anything but right now it is important if they can stay with the
topic. Listen and reflect for clarity
and understanding.
vi.
Once they feel understood respond again in the
“I voice” . Once the topic is clear see
if you can brainstorm together and even write possible solutions down. Try a whiteboard that you can just throw
ideas on for working through what you both think would work.
vii.
Consider any agreement as an experiment to try
and revisit at an agreed upon time to see if it helped address the issue.
For more information visit me at micaheldadson.com
